My B-side

Phantasm

Last night I stumbled through a security check point and onto the set of Robin William’s latest work in progress. I must have been disoriented by the bright lights of Hollywood because I managed to walk right through a shoot of Williams performing a dangerously difficult stunt on a colorful jungle gym. When I came to my senses, I froze. The director began to shout obscenities at me. My best bet was to play dumb….deaf and dumb. The assistant director saw that I could not hear. He ran over to my aid. As he led me off the set he signed to me. I wonder how long it took him to realize my disability was a farce. Anyway, he married me a just a few short weeks later. Fast forward: 18 months. I’m lounging on a couch in the living room of an uber posh apartment; completely absorbed in People Magazine. On my belly lies a sleeping 9 month old baby; the chunkiest thing ever to wear lace and lilac. For a second my husband stops his mad dashing about and stares at the baby and I. He gives me this goofy grin, like that of a confused but happy foreigner. I long for him to grab my hand, if only for a few seconds. But he is off again, running around the house. I get the impression that he works at home. Fast forward: 5 years later. I’m in a doctor’s office, 3 months with child. The M.D. has just run a few tests on the unborn baby. She comes into the room with a grave expression. Here she tells me that the chance that this child will not be a stillborn case is less than 5%. She then tells me that it is certain my child, if born, will have a severe handicap, possibly many. I am advised to abort the fetus. Next day, my husband is hurrying me along. He takes our five-year-old daughter’s hand in his and leads her to the car. They are both dressed for church in extremely pricey apparel. I stand at the entranceway to the garage. After a moment’s pause, I scream, “STOP!” He looks up at me confused. “There are important matters to be discussed.” I then look to my plump stomach…. crazy dream.

posted by Melissa at 23:47